A different form of emotional violence: Love Bombing

“The dynamics of today’s relationships have changed due to the changing world order and the place of social media in our lives,” said Clinical Psychologist Dr. Kahraman Güler, and made a statement about the term “Love Bombing”, which is often heard recently. Güler said, “Love bombing manifests itself as a different type of emotional violence.”

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Kahraman Güler made a statement about “Love Bombing”, whose Turkish equivalent is love / love bombardment. “Love Bombing manifests itself as a different type of emotional violence,” said Dr. Güler, “It is an intense form of communication established by a partner with narcissistic characteristics to gain control and power over his partner at the very beginning of the relationship. It is called the reversal of highly positive situations such as making you feel like you are on the clouds with excessive attention and love at the very beginning of the romantic relationship, frequent stylish gifts, making your partner experience things they have never experienced, romantic plans made for the long term after a certain period of time in the relationship.”

Stating that the aim of the person who exhibits love bombing behaviors in the relationship is to be the most important person in his partner’s life, Clinical Psychologist Dr. Kahraman Güler said, “Since this emotional investment makes the person feel very valuable, the Love Bombing person can be successful in his goal.”

“It’s hard to break up with a partner”

Dr. Güler continued his speech as follows:

“The person who develops addiction to the relationship with Love Bombing does not end the relationship despite all the negativities experienced in the following process, that is, in the continuation of the relationship. It is very difficult to break away from the partner, to get away after the negativities. As a result, he/she may experience self-confidence problems and enter into mentally challenging processes. Separation becomes fearful for her and she assumes a submissive role in the relationship in the hope of getting that first attention again.”

Sharing the sentence patterns that the Love Bombing person can use, Dr. Güler said, “We exist for each other.”, “Why haven’t we met until today?”, “We are each other’s soul mates”. It is good for the person to feel so lovable/valuable in a short time. It is as if they are swept off their feet. When everything seems so good, it becomes increasingly impossible for people to realize that this is psychological violence. Another question that comes to mind in such a situation is “How do I know if this is real love or Love Bombing?”

“You may be subjected to unhealthy love bombing”

Speaking about how to understand that you are exposed to Love Bombing, Doğuş University Psychology Department Head Dr. Kahraman Güler said Kahraman Güler said, “If you feel like you are in a dream at the beginning of the relationship and you start to fear that your partner will lose his/her intense interest in you, if you think that your partner has nothing to criticize, that he/she is a perfect person, or if you feel needy/dependent on your partner, if your partner’s love bombardment increases especially in the presence of other individuals, If your partner wants to be the sole center of attention and tries to make you feel guilty when you do not, if he/she bombards you with love as long as you behave the way he/she wants, and when you do not behave, he/she withdraws this attention and love from you and punishes you by acting the opposite way, if he/she does not accept the changes in your relationship and holds you responsible for them, you may be exposed to unhealthy love bombardment called Love Bombing.”

“Give love and attention to yourself first”

Stating that there are some points that can be taken into consideration to protect from Love Bombing, Dr. Güler said, “It can be to set clear boundaries in the relationship, to express your discomfort to your partner about the things you think are moving fast, to listen to and evaluate the comments made by the people around you about your partner with whom you are in a relationship. We need to remember that no one and no relationship is perfect. If something in your relationship feels like a flaw or a shame to you, you may need to rethink these issues and re-evaluate your relationship. Remembering that you deserve value in relationships, you need to give love and attention to yourself before you demand it from the other person. If you cannot give love to yourself, you cannot believe that you are lovable.